To my mom!!!!! I think this image below sums up what you’ve been to me! You see for 6 1/2 months you carried me (preemie baby) and for the other 2 1/2 months you never left my side while the drs took care of me. And as far as nurturing me you still play a part in that. You cuddled with me for fun when I was younger. As a teenager those cuddles turned into massive hugging sessions when i needed to vent and cry. Now those cuddles consist of me popping over to the house sitting on the edge of your bed and watching tv with you and just laughing. Watching all the sacrifices you’ve made over the years has shown me your strength! At almost 30 years old you still INSPIRE me. You’ve shown me that no matter the mistakes I’ve made, the disappointments and high moments that your love for me is unconditional and I know that God could only have given you that ability. You are my BEST FRIEND and I love you! Happy Mother’s Day! To my baby boy, I carried you for 39 weeks and 4 days anxiously waiting for the moment to physically kiss on you. From the moment I found out that I was pregnant with you I knew my life would change for the better. There’s this happiness I feel when I think about being your mom because I know that I have this huge responsibility before me. You see your daddy will teach how to be a man in ways that I cannot but I get to nurture you and guide in ways that he can’t and together with the Lord’s help we will be this dynamic duo for you and your future siblings. The cuddles and the kisses will never stop. The comfort you need will always be right here. I promise to keep guiding you, loving you and to keep being mommy. Those moments when I’m lacking, feeling inadequate, or I just MESS up because I will, I promise to look to Jesus to give me the supernatural strength to keep being MOM. I promise to be diligent so that when you’re almost 30 you can say mom you inspired me. I know that daddy will be your second best friend (praying that Jesus is your first best friend) so I’m okay with being 3rd. Back to my mom I want you to understand that at almost 30 your job as mom still isn’t finished because all that you’ve poured into me I use with my baby. To all my mommy friends our job is a continuous one with little immediate feelings of affirmations. We don’t hear you’re the BEST everyday nor do we get a pay check for the job we do, but it’s the MOST important job we will ever have. I have had so many surrogate moms and examples to pull from so thank you and Happy Mother’s Day to all of you!
I love capturing milestones!!! KenMic feeding himself. I live for these moments. The special moments where God shows me I’m doing the right thing. Everyday the Lord shows me that’s its my job to nurture and love on this little guy. So my days will be filled with things that he enjoys most and the things he needs! So I’ll enjoy Circle time and Storyville. I’ll enjoy dump trucks and mountain climbing. I’ll enjoy the endless nap times and messy diapers. I’ll enjoy the meltdowns and the privilege of instructing him in the way of the Lord. It’s been a complete joy being this little guy’s mom.
And you have been filled by him, who is the head over every ruler and authority.”
As I ponder this verse today, I had to go back a couple of verses to understand what is going on in this verse. There is a lot going on too!!!! Paul the author of this letter to the church in Laodicea is writing to refute some things because there is a lot of bad teaching going on. Gnosticism- the idea “a great mass of elaborate knowledge was necessary for salvation” – was prevalent and Paul wanted to encourage believers that the fullness of God was entirely in Christ and that He has complete authority over all. In this verse, I find that word “filled” translates to the word “complete”. In fact other translations use the word “complete”. In the verses that come before Colossians 2:10, Paul is basically saying hey forget about all the knowledge and worldly wisdom that others are giving you. Remember that the fullness of God is in Christ- this verse- and you are MADE complete in Christ and He is the Boss!
What I love most about Scripture is that it is God breathed and inspired by Him. He used men to write His words!!! So just like the Church in Colossae had something to learn back then, I have something to learn from this verse too. Truth bomb for you all- just like the believers in Laodicea- I struggle immensely with letting the wisdom of the world affect how I make decisions. It affects the kind of wife I am to my husband and the kind of mother I am to my son. I find myself trying to step outside of my priorities as wife and mom do other things and RIGHT now my priority is to my family. This verse encourages me to remember nothing else completes me but Christ. He is my boss- the Lord of my life. I fail every time without him ruling over every aspect of my life. The question that has to echo throughout the day is “Tristin, who’s the boss? Is it You? Is it (fill in the blank) or is it Christ himself? I want the answer to be Christ at any given moment.
So this morning I’m so encouraged! Last night at prayer and worship service I shared how I’m struggling with being a mom and wife and i can look at things selfishly at times. My brothers and sisters in Christ prayed with me. My husband and I talked some more and he encouraged me. This morning as KenMic and I were eating breakfast I said something about his nose and he started to point at his nose. It’s something minor to everyone else but to me that was EVERYTHING! I get so caught up in thinking about how i need to be doing more outside of my home. Today watching my little boy point at his nose affirmed that I’m right where I need to be. I may not be SUPER MOM but I’m what my family needs. Hearing my husband say hey this family doesn’t function without you was encouraging. Being able to be transparent about my struggle as a mom and wife with those who I know would pray for me was encouraging. Crying out to the Lord myself and seeing him answer in such a timely way is encouraging!
This piece features some thoughts from when my son was first born…. Each month for the next 12 months I will write some reflections on what it’s been like to be this little guys mom. This is just an introductory piece. The next piece will come out around my baby boy’s first birthday which is next month. Enjoy!!!!
At 3:30 in the morning, as I sit with my 2 month old in my arms playing as if it were 9 or 10 in the morning, I could be frustrated because I would be rather be in my bed with my husband catching some z’s. Oddly enough I’m not the least bit frustrated. I sit here in awe of this little person and I think wow “I have the responsibility of raising this little guy.” The next thought is coupled with a “Lord help me!!!” cry because I’m responsible for raising this little guy. Even with all the “fears” or uncertainty I may have as a parent, I praise the Lord because I’m not faced with the task of raising him alone. The Lord has blessed me with my husband who is by far the BEST at parenting and he has given me wisdom to do this task.
While I sit here holding my son, who is now drifting off to sleep, I’m reflecting just a bit. Let me take you on a journey just a bit. I can remember when I found out I was pregnant. It was August 1, 2016 at 2:30 pm, I had suspected that I was for a few weeks but couldn’t bring myself to take the test. My husband and I had been married for 3 months. I took the test right after we had finished lunch. The first initial emotion I felt was one of shock and a hint of fear. I mean 3 months in and baby number 1 on the way! Wow!!!! Within a week of finding out, I called and scheduled my first appointment. I was living life and letting it sit sink in that my husband and I were expecting our first child. Life was good until the day before my first appointment, I had my first scare. I was at work and something didn’t feel right. I went to the bathroom and all I could see was blood. I called my husband in freak out mode because I thought I was having a miscarriage. He calmed me down and told me to call the doctor. I called the doctor and she told me that for the moment I had to wait it out because my appointment was the next morning and if I was having a miscarriage there was nothing they could do. After talking to the doctor, I talked to one of the managers explained my situation and went home. Can I say it was the LONGEST night of my life!!! The next morning at 10:30am my husband and I made our trip to the doctor’s office because of the situation my doctor scheduled my first sonogram and we heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time!!!! On august 17 it was confirmed that we were going to be parents!!!! I was 7 weeks pregnant and would be due to have our baby on our anniversary.
As I sit here at 4:15am, my son is now sleeping. I reflect on my pregnancy as a whole. What can I say about the 39 weeks and 3 days I was pregnant? It was a stressful time. I was sick the ENTIRE time I was pregnant. My morning sickness was the worst I could not eat anything! I was also stressed out my entire pregnancy. My days consisted of long work shifts, dealing with the stressors of my job ( I worked in customer service), trying to maintain a healthy marriage, being the most hormonal woman ever (my poor husband) and being tired. My husband would often say you know “Tristin, you don’t know just how much I respect you, you are having a rough time but none would know it based upon looking at you!” While physically I was going through some things with not being able to eat and all, every time I went to the doctor’s, my baby was healthy and I was healthy! The only thing my doctor harped on was me taking it easy.
Then came the day, my little man was born!!! The weeks leading up to him being born were hilarious compared to when I actually had him! You see week after week starting at 34 weeks I would go to the hospital because I was having contractions and week after week they would send me home!! However on the day that my son was born, my water broke while I was eating a fruit salad and my husband was in the bathroom. The things that happened next were funny. You see the times before, there was an urgency to get to the hospital. On this particular day, my husband and I were very calm. My husband showered, we got in the car , drove 45 minutes to the hospital ( the ride usually took about 15 minutes but there was rush hour traffic EVERYWHERE) and guess what not one contraction! Since my son was breach I was already going to have a cesarean but now I was having it a few days earlier. On March 27 in the afternoon my husband and I welcomed our son into this world! In that moment I knew that anything I felt or would feel was worth it!!
At 4:47am in the morning, my son is in his bed, I am still awake writing away! Still reflecting… I can remember when my husband and I made the decision that I would stay home. I never knew I would struggle with our decision the way I have struggled. It’s something I desired to do for the sake of my family but there were thoughts that I needed and still need to get over. For weeks I’ve felt like people were judging us for the decision we had made and that I needed to do more. During this time, I’ve also realized how much of my identity is wrapped up in what I can do or what I have accomplished. I struggled with this notion that I was somehow losing a piece of me because I was now a wife and mommy! It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized that being a wife and new mommy is just an added aspect of who I am as a person. My husband is always telling me just because I’m a wife and mother doesn’t mean I stopped being me! It just means I have new areas of life on which to place my focus. He also encouraged me to get back to something I was doing long before I was married and a mom- WRITING!
At 5:02am I’m still awake!!! But my heart is full of praise to Jesus Christ for giving me this wonderful task. My prayer is that I would be the wife and mother that honors Him! I pray that I will use all of my gifts, talents, and abilities to bring honor to the Lord. I pray that I will do this role with grace and humility and will continue to learn!!!
It all happened so fast!!!! Do I regret it ALL happening so fast??? Not at all. I’ve learned so much on this journey so far. We started dating again in January of 2015. The only people that knew what was going on were our parents and our closest friends and family. There was wisdom in how we did things; we wanted to be sure! By May 2015, my husband had asked me to be his wife! I said yes. Ten months and 8 days later we said “I do” on April 1,2016. Three months after saying “I do” we received MORE news…. We were expecting our first child. On March 27, 2017 we welcomed our bundle of joy into this world! It sounds like an exciting 2 years right?! You’re correct! Through each phase of life there’s been this lesson of dependency on the Lord and allowing Him to guide my footsteps. When I started dating my husband, I had to rely on the Lord to show me that this was right because others questioned my husband’s and my judgment! When we got engaged, I had to learn to depend on the Lord for our provision! And boy did we see the Lord provide! As a newlywed, I’ve had to depend on the Lord to show me my role as a wife. I’ve had to cling to his understanding and not my own. As a new mommy, I’ve had to depend on the Lord for good wisdom, energy from many sleepless nights, and openness to embrace this new world. It all happened so fast!!! But do I regret it??? Absolutely not!! This journey has been filled so many lessons and it’s only beginning!!!!